4:30am is a whole different world. It used to be the time when I would look at the clock and be happy I still had so much time left to sleep. A couple days a week, it’s the time I wake up to drive my son to swim practice.
It is frighteningly early. The skies are as dark as night outside and nothing about it says morning. Almost no one is on the road, but you do see a couple people running or walking. That is a whole different level of crazy to me.
Stop lights turn green when you pull up to them. There’s no lane switching. No one passes you. It is a lonely drive.
I look over at my thirteen year old who is wearing a very stoic face. He is not complaining. It’s definitely not fun, but he wants this. This is part of the training that he believes will take him to the next level. My thoughts are wild with how he can be so sure of something.
There’s a reason they use sleep deprivation as a form of torture. It’s tough on the mind. So when this song comes on, a song that I have loved for years, it really strikes a chord.
I feel lost. This unfamiliar place is still not home. I come home to an empty bed, because even the dog is confused at this hour and he’s looking out the window. For me, it’s a battle to keep my mind from wandering down the lost path. I truly don’t think this is all a lost cause, but being so tired, that’s where I drift, and I squeeze my eyelids shut hoping to snooze for a bit before I head back to the pool.
Baby you’re a lost cause
There’s too many people you used to know
They see you coming they see you go
They know your secrets and you know theirs
This town is crazy; nobody cares
What’s crazy is what a couple hours can do. It’s still dark outside, but as I drive to pick him up, the streets are alive. People are starting their daily commute. I’m waiting at red lights, changing lanes, and passing cars. The radio stations have their morning shows running with actual people talking, not just a playlist with commercials. It feels much better to be part of a world that is awake with you. A phone call to my husband on the East coast gives some normalcy to the morning.
My son gets in the car and is now a chatter box. We will be back at the pool in 10 hours for practice #2 of the day. Again, he won’t complain. So as I help him get to where he wants to be, I follow his determination. I might feel a little lost right now, but I am definitely not a lost cause.
Lost Cause
Beck
Your sorry eyes cut through the bone
They make it hard to leave you alone
Leave you here wearing your wounds
Waving your guns at somebody new
Baby you’re lost
Baby you’re lost
Baby you’re a lost cause
There’s too many people you used to know
They see you coming they see you go
They know your secrets and you know theirs
This town is crazy; nobody cares
Baby you’re lost
Baby you’re lost
Baby you’re a lost cause
I’m tired of fighting
I’m tired of fighting
Fighting for a lost cause
There’s a place where you are going
You ain’t never been before
No one left to watch your back now
No one standing at your door
That’s what you thought love was for
Baby you’re lost
Baby you’re lost
Baby you’re a lost cause
I’m tired of fighting
I’m tired of fighting
Fighting for a lost cause
Songwriters: Beck Hansen
Lost Cause lyrics © Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd.
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